Pee talk

When I  was younger, like pre-puberty younger, peeing straight was easy. I could pop into the bathroom, pee, flush (maybe...), not wash my hands and leave without ever lifting the seat. It was a no brainer.  I wondered what the big deal with lifting the seat was as I didn't hit the seat so I, naturally, would never lift it.

That all changed though. Now 1/4 of my time in the bathroom is spent cleaning up the mess I made, either on myself or anywhere else really. And this isn't something that's going to get better either, its not like I've got a cold, this is a lifelong problem.

He did this everyday before peeing. 

Everyday billions of men have to go into a bathroom and solve a  new fluid dynamics equation on the fly. I'll tell you why. Semen. As soon as your nuts get the balls to start whipping that stuff up, say goodbye to pee predictability. You see, a guys body makes so much baby batter that we can piss it away, literally. And just by semen's sticky nature, guys get pee pee everywhere.

Now, imagine your bathroom. Think of the toilet in your bathroom. Anything thats withing five feet of that toilet has gotten pee on it. I'm talking five feet above the toilet too. Pee gets everywhere. Which leads me to my next point. The toilet bowl is not equipped for the "stand and pee" move. Urinals are equipped, barely, but more pee gets under those than goes in for some reason. Troughs, however, are great but pigs took those and you can't exactly leave a turd in there. Now, I don't have an answer for what can be done because I'm not a scientist. I don't think up questions and try to find the answer, I just think up questions then stop cause I have to pee.

When a guy pees any number of things can happen; sputtering, sudden change in stream direction, scatter shots, another sudden change in stream direction, or total stoppage followed by a blowout. All this can happen in one piss. If you're like me, you grab a friends towel and clean up what's on the seat, leave, then grab your girlfriend's butt to wipe your hands off. What she mistakes for flirtatiousness is actually nastiness.