Every now and again something happens that you have to tell everybody. Today, for me, something happened and I gotta tell err' body in the club.
I was at the T Recs (the gym for UT students) improperly using some workout machine and as I was finishing up this guy approaches. I had already seen him a couple of times eying my machine. This time was no different except... he had a different look. He was hell bent on doing something, he was intense as shit.
But when he got to me he just turned around and stood there looking off into the distance and picked a wedgie. I thought something cool was going to happen like maybe he would talk to me. After standing for about a minute, however, he left.
Then it hit me. Right up the nose. He farted, big time.
It smelled so bad I thought this is what an act of terrorism must feel like, but since I'm not glued to my TV that couldn't be right. I went through a myriad of emoticons: :l :O :( X0 8===D I made my status on Facebook "what the hell" just to get attention.
Which I totally did. Some girl asked
"lol??? waht's wrong"
"this dude totally farted in my mouth like wtf"
"OMG totes not lulz...tahts phucked"
"tell me about it bitch"
She thinks I'm gay so I always have to end with "tell me about it bitch" or "pop it GURL!" the latter of which makes zero sense unless she's talking about her acne, backne or buttne.
Anyway the point being, that fart smelled terrible. I'm pretty sure he had just eaten Red Lobster for breakfast cause it smelled like butter biscuits and fish. Mush all that together, let it rot for awhile, blend with butt sweat then you have an idea of what's in my nose.
It was only after the smell was gone that I realized that his intense look was more concern. He was worried that his ass was going to explode and not wanting the blast zone to be in a crowded area, he came to me, the lonely guy humming I'm a Survivor by Destiny's Child. And that picked wedgie as it turns out, was more a cheek spread to silence the fart.
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